Sick and books and stuff

So... I haven't written for a couple of weeks. I was violently sick with a stomach flu for about three days, and then immediately thereafter I came down with a head cold. The baby got the head cold. It had been passed on to the two of us by dad, who had spent several days decommissioned by severe back pains prior to getting sick.

In other words, February started out like this: Nate had immobilizing back pain for several days, bookended by weekends of MIM classes. The pain cleared up just in time for him to come down with a severe head cold. He was only just barely starting to get better when I got the stomach flu, sending me to bed for three days straight. (Seriously, I couldn't get up to do more than rush across the hall to the bathroom.) The first day I felt somewhat normalized after the flu, I started coming down with a head cold, too. The baby got the head cold two days later, as I was in the midst of feeling the worst of it.

Somewhere in the midst of all that, I spent many hours making final revision notes on Queen Witch for J.R. Pearse Nelson.

Whew.

I've actually managed to maintain a fairly positive attitude through most of this. I'm tired and certainly it has been trying, but really, I feel like I was reasonably upbeat this month. Except maybe at the ends of days, when I was feeling the weight of the day on my shoulders. That's when I would sit down to blog but could only find the frustration and exhaustion. So I didn't write. I felt obligated to write -- I still feel obligated, and that's why I'm putting down words right now -- but the actual desire to write is currently absent, as is the feeling that I have anything much to say. I think all of the editing for J.R. was also a drag on my word-related inclinations. (Not a diss, not a complaint, just an observation.)

Speaking of J.R. and Queen Witch, have you picked up a copy? You really should. Go to Amazon and buy the e-book. Or keep an eye on the blog for the availability of the book in print (should be out next month).

So let's turn for a moment to other forms of entertainment: Somewhere in the midst of being sick I read another Susan May Warren book. (You probably don't remember the review I gave of Heiress -- I read it last summer.) The book I read was "My Foolish Heart." Warren is a Christian writer and so her books always talk about God. The religion was weaved much more smoothly into this storyline than it was in Heiress, though I still found it a tad annoying (overbearing) at times. Nevertheless, I do recommend the book. It's a solid 3 or 4 star book. At times I felt like I was reading a Nicholas Sparks novel. (I mean that as a compliment, even though I'm not especially fond of Mr. Sparks.)

I also finally got to watch Dark Knight Rises. I think it took me three nights to through the movie (such is life when you only have about an hour a night to yourself.) I thought it was brilliant and beautiful. Joseph Gordon-Levitt...I could stand to see more of him. I like that guy; he's actually rather talented and surprisingly well-rounded. Nate says he has too much of a babyface. But I saw a little of him during the Oscars highlights and you know what? He can pull off much older looks, I think. So rock on, JGL!

Finally, here are three cute pictures of my kid (because this post is utterly random, so I'm just gonna roll with it...)

I asked her to smile for the camera and got about eight of these, sigh: 

She's really into books the last few days, and especially loving "Where's Waldo?" Notice her feet helping her hold up the book:

Let's Go Outside

First and most importantly, Kate Voegele rocks. If you're not familiar with her music, go check it out. "Don't Look Away" is a perfectly good album, but it's "A Fine Mess" that's really rocking my moods lately.

I'm a home body. If you know me well, you know this about me. I like my home. I like to be at home. I don't like not being at home. I really don't like to travel. (Part of the travel aversion most definitely stems from the fact that I can easily and violently become "motion sick" when I'm traveling, especially in a car.) But even though I'd always rather be home, I've found myself feeling a bit cramped lately. I think it's probably just the winter blues and too much time spent following the exact same routine every day, confounded by the many evening hours I've spent walking up and down a twelve foot stretch of my basement while staring at the ceiling as I replaced the electrical lines. Nothing encourages you to make a break for freedom quite like hours of a windowless hallway in a cold basement at night...

I say all this because we've been spending an inordinate amount of time outside the last couple of weeks. Yes, it is very cold and somewhat damp out there, and it still gets dark too early, and the ground is muddy. But the world is also beautiful. Most of it is still hibernating for the winter, but there are some signs of life. Little signs, and welcome. The daffodils will bloom soon, quickly followed by one of my favorites -- tulips. These are the first bright signs of spring after the long, dark winter. I watch for them in earnest every year. I have some planted in my yard, but not enough. I think I need to get more bulbs. (Some of you are chuckling at that comment, and you should; my obsession with bulbs is a bit out of control.)

Despite the unforgiving weather, it is a critical time of year to get certain things done in the yard. There are bushes, trees, and bulbs that cooperate better when handled during winter hibernation. The ground it also soft from the rain so it's easy to work the land.

In the front yard, we've been taking out some bushes. Those of you who saw the house when we first moved in might remember that the front yard was a bit of a jungle. Nothing but big, overgrown trees and bushes all around. We've cleared away almost all of the original plants from the front yard, save one little row of bushes. Well, most of those are gone now, too. We left just two of the bushes that were in the front yard when we bought the house. One bush is in its original locale, severely trimmed down. Another one has been transplanted across the yard and also trimmed. We added a couple of smaller, low-maintenance, pretty trees to replace what we took out, and there are a ton of bulbs (go ahead and laugh) in the flower/plant beds. There's still a bit of landscaping work to be fixed, but most of the front yard is now in shape, designed for a minimal amount of maintenance. Score.

The backyard continues to be a project. Sometimes I really need to step back and remind myself how far we've come with the backyard, because there is still a lot to do and it can be overwhelming. Since I can't finish painting the shed, it's too early to work the garden, and we don't have the funds to rebuild the retaining wall or replace the greenhouse, I'm working on another flower bed area, setting up a few planter's boxes to grow our lettuce, and daydreaming about the long-run goals for the backyard.

My daughter loves to run around and do all of these projects with us. It's adorable. She's delightful. Because it's so very cold out, we bundle her in two or three layers before going outside. Usually we don't go out until after naptime, and then only for 30-40 minutes. Her capacity for being outside right now maxes out at about 45 minutes, and even that is sometimes pushing it. I wish we had some outdoor toys for her because I think it would make things even more fun when we're doing yardwork.

I'm excited to start the garden. I want to plant so very many things in the yard. It's such a delight to walk outside and pick the lettuce or onions or tomatoes or zucchini that I need for a recipe. And watching things grow from tiny seeds to overflowing plants, weighed down with delicious vegetables... there's nothing quite like it. Such a joy. My fellow gardeners, green thumbs, urban farmers: What are you most looking forward to growing this year? Which plants do you miss the most?

QUEEN WITCH IS HERE! Go buy a copy right now!!!!!!!

Queen Witch: Available on Amazon as an e-book, with a print edition available soon. (I'm going to get a couple of extra print copies when it comes out, so let me know if you want to borrow one!)

Finally, finally, finally!!! I have been waiting for this book to come out for six months. It doesn't even matter that I got to beta read the novel twice, I was still crazy impatient for it to finally be published.

Full disclosure: I'm friends with the author, J.R. Pearse Nelson. She's a self-publishing Indy writer. In addition to Queen Witch, she has also published a pair of novellas (Tribute and Vessel). They are paranormal romance... not really my preferred genre. I don't mind the paranormal but I could do without the "romance." Yeah, call me prudish, I won't be offended.

Queen Witch, however, is just a straight-up paranormal novel about a young witch wrestling with her destiny, her family, and her moral compass. It's written to the young adult crowd so it's (thankfully) pretty PG. But don't let the intended audience dissuade you -- I'm an older Gen Y and I still loved it.

I've read a lot of self-published stuff, and I think that Queen Witch is far and above its peers. So many of the other books I read are poorly edited, the characters fall flat, the scenes feel contrived and forced. Not Queen Witch. It's a real winner. As I said to J.R. when I finished my second beta read, it's a Grand Slam. (That's a baseball reference. Don't worry if you don't get it. :o)

The book is excellently edited. The characters are well-rounded and realistic -- and that's one of my most important criteria in a book. I like to connect with my characters. Sage, the protagonist, is real and genuine and deep. You can't help but like her and root for her, and worry about her when things get dangerous.

There are a couple of good twists in the novel, giving it a bit of thrill and just a hint of darkness.

The storyline generally progresses at an excellent pace, it's always moving forward but you don't feel rushed. I appreciate that all of the scenes have a good flow and add to the overall storyline. It's just plain good, creative writing from J.R. Pearse Nelson.

I will say that this novel started out a little bit slow for me. The story starts when Sage is 14 and those first couple of chapters, at that age, aren't as interesting. But definitely by the middle of the book I was hopelessly hooked, and as the end drew near I couldn't put it down. So if you likewise find that it starts slow, just give it a little more time, it's worth it!

Always look on the bright side of life (doo-doot, do-do-do-do-do-doot)!

I got up this morning thinking I was going to retract yesterday's post. In my mind, it was altogether too negative. But when I re-read it today, it didn't come off as quite the downer I expected. I know I walked away from writing it with a heavy feeling in my chest, but I don't think I ever really put that darkness on the "page." So up it stays, and that's okay.

It's not so much the  subject of the last post that made me blue, it's more just life in general these days. It's the pressure of always having so much to do in a finite amount of time. How do you make the hours stretch? How do you accomplish all the things you have to do, and all of the things you want to do? How can you be a responsible adult and still have some dreams and some sanity at the end of the day? More and more I find myself marveling at how well my mom managed everything when we were growing up. I know I still don't really understand what it must have been like for her, but I have an inkling, and that gives me a lot more sympathy and patience for, well, everything.

But I digress. What matters right now is that I need to get serious about my goal to be positive. All around me, all I can see is what I need to do, what I haven't done, what I want to do, what I won't have time for, what I have to give up... you get the idea. But what about what I do have? What about what is here? What about what I have done? Thinking about these things, this is what's going to make life better.

For instance: My daughter started going to daycare this week. It makes me feel like a failure as a parent, that I can't find a better situation for her and/or be home to take care of her. It was a depressing week. And the day I dropped her off for the first time, I later went to the mall and had all of my hair chopped off. In retrospect I fully recognize that the one event definitely caused the other. (Granted, I've been thinking about getting a shorter trim, but the resulting 'do is definitely sadness-induced.)

What I should be thinking about is that I have been very fortunate so far. My daughter is 20 months old and this is the first time we've had to enroll her in daycare. She's been with family and family-like friends since I had to go back to work. That's worth something. I also only have to send her two days a week, for less than 7 hours each day. There are a lot of people who have to send their kid to daycare five days a week, nine hours a day. There are moms who have to raise children entirely on their own, without a spouse or family to help. There are a lot of situations much worse than mine, and it's not right for me to feel sorry for myself. I'm blessed. I'm richly blessed. And if I can't see all of the good things in my life, well, then I really am a failure.

So let's do this instead: Here are some good things in my life right now...
- Bread baking in the oven
- A mom who loves me and my daughter
- Nate, a kind and patient man who honors the Priesthood and loves me...despite all the grief I give him
- My daughter, who is beautiful and smart and inherently good, and who also loves me despite my shortcomings
- The gospel and its blessings
- A solid roof over my head
- A stable job that enables me to provide for my family
- Das Hund, our reliable and efficient car
- The fact that I can go take a nap with the baby right now.

Here's a quick video that shows my haircut. Amy asked for pictures, but this was faster for me to take and upload:

Nate and his MIM, and me, and you

As if our lives weren't already busy enough, complicated enough and stressful enough, we've decided to add to the madness. Nate is going back to school... at least for this term, but possibly for the next two years.

I'm not sure how many of you know about Nate and what I unaffectionately refer to as "the eternal pursuit of the Master's degree." About a year after Nate finished his Bachelor's degree, he started talking about going back to school. So he's been talking about it for more than five years. I won't go into all of the gory details -- and trust me, there have been some gory moments -- I'll just flash forward to February 2012, one year ago. Nate started talking in earnest about taking the GRE, which is the test you have to take before you can get into a graduate program. He even ordered a book and started studying from it.

I can't remember now when he originally wanted to take the GRE. It might have been last summer, or in the fall. But after several weeks of intense studying, life got in the way and he put the book down. That was until this fall, when he started studying in earnest and actually scheduled a date to sit for the test. It was just after New Year's. And he started actually looking into Master's degree programs.

Flash forward again, to right about the time Nate was taking the test. One of my co-workers started telling me about this new Master's in Management program that was going to be available here in town. You see, we only have one university in our little town, and it's a private school (translation: very expensive). Other options for school were an hour north or an hour south of us. This MIM program is through one of the public universities here in our state. The actual school is about four hours south of us, but they are holding all of the classes for the program at the local community college. And online.

Bonuses: It's less expensive that a typical Master's degree program. It will only take about a year and half (it ends in August 2014). Most importantly, it's designed specifically for people who have a job and work full time -- it's designed to accommodate people who are not full-time students.

One very hectic month after first hearing about the program, Nate went to the first class. That was last Saturday. Last night and today, he had the second class. Next weekend he's free, but then he has classes on the three subsequent weekends. Yikes. Suddenly I've become a single mom.

(My own mom just groaned at that statement. Yes mom, I know, I don't have a clue what it's really like. Just let me have my pity-party for a minute.)

I don't know what the future holds. I don't know if Nate will continue this program beyond this term of school (which goes through mid-March). Nate has to figure out how to pay for the rest of the classes. He also needs to do a cost-benefit analysis and provide some evidence of how this decision will help the family. If the research backs it up, I'm all for this new adventure. I totally support his desire and decision to go back to school. But I do want to make sure it's a good investment, one that will yield a return on investment.

So what does all of this mean for me? Ugh. I just started to write a list but it's all a bunch of negative stuff, and I'm really trying to be positive...

What does it all mean for you? Less of me. I'm not going to have the time and/or brain power to blog the way I hoped. Maybe during the week I can somehow find a few hours to write some cooking blogs. Maybe. For now, when it comes to blogging, my emphasis will be on just getting my weekly post out there. If you're disappointed, well... I am too. But sometimes we must all sacrifice for the greater good.  :o)

For now, I am going to strain some yogurt and cook some milk. And try to turn my brain off.