Several Uplifting Things

Here are some uplifting things -- the highlights from my week...

1. An empowering message for all women (I've watched this once or twice a day, all week long):

2. Then I found an insightful TED. The title of it is misleading. It's really a video about the importance of having hard conversations and being compassionate:
www.upworthy.com/a-4-year-old-girl-asked-a-lesbian-if-shes-a-boy-she-responded-the-awesomest-way-possible?c=ufb1


3. Seth Adam Smith wrote a blog post that was nice but didn't quite sit right with me. Then I read a reactionary post, which I think sums up the situation much better (but yay for Seth and his sudden whirlwind of fame): www.askyourdadblog.com/2013/11/marriage-is-for-me-and-you-and-kids-and.html

4. A video of my brother walking: http://juliebike.blogspot.com/2013/11/bill-sat-nov-2-walking-hall.html

5. This new blog, started by a woman with whom I went to high school, which is going to be really fun (and educational) to read during the next year or so: http://myannoyingspendingfreeze.blogspot.com/

6. My novel is going to be published tomorrow. Holy. Crap.

Love One Another

This post was originally going to be a FB status update, until it became clear to me that it was going to be ridiculously too long. So it's here on the blog, instead.

I didn't expect to have such an emotional morning. Maybe it's the sleep deprivation. Maybe I'm just going crazy. But I have some thoughts that have been heavily on my mind, today especially but really...always. So here it goes:

Two days ago (9/3) I noticed an article trending in my FB news feed, "FYI (if you're a teenage girl)". I noted it on my to-read list. I didn't get around to it.

When checked FB after I got up this morning, I noticed there was a reactionary post trending on my news feed, "Dear Mrs. Hall, Regarding Your 'FYI (if you’re a teenage girl)'".

So I decided to check out both articles. First I read Mrs. Hall's letter (the original FYI to teenage girls). It bothered me a bit. Not a lot, since I quickly jumped to read the reactionary letter and didn't have time to really ponder Mrs. Hall's letter.

Beth's response letter to Mrs. Hall's post really touched me. It made me cry, in a good way. The part that reached me so deeply was "I’m someone who needed a second chance as a young woman."

Wow. Did I change my name to Beth and write a post in my sleep last night? Those are my words. At least they feel like my words. I made a lot of bad choices as a young teenager. When I was  about sixteen years old, I finally wised up and looked around and realized I needed to make some changes. I turned to the people around me, my "friends," for support. But no one was handing out second chances. Looking back, I might even say that my "friends" were the kind of people who had Mrs. Hall for a mother.

After a few months of struggling on my own, I fell back on all of my old, bad habits. Eventually I felt like the only choice left for me was to physically leave my circumstances. I walked away from my school, my friends, and the life I had known. I will forever be grateful for that decision. I look on it with no regrets -- it was one of the the most important decisions I have ever made because of where it has led me during this second half of my life.

When I started at my new school (this was my senior year of high school), I made new friends. Different friends. They didn't know I was looking for a second chance. Heck, they didn't know anything about me. I was a blank slate to them and thus I could become the person I wanted to be, instead of the person I had always been.

But here's the thing -- the real difference: The new friends I found were the kind of people who I imagine must have Beth for a mother. I still screwed up and made bad choices and did dumb things, but these friends loved me anyway. They could see that I was more than my actions, or even the sum of my actions. They knew something I had yet to learn, which is that I am a daughter of God, loved of Him, beautiful in His eyes, and of immense worth. I deserve as many second chances as I need, which are infinitely many. "Beth's children" gave me those chances, and that strength enabled me to become the woman I am becoming.

(Because let's face it, I'm still not perfect. I still need second and third and fourth chances.)

So what am I trying to say in all of this? I think my message is that we should be gentle with each other and follow the example of Jesus Christ, our Savior. He taught us to not judge, and to love and forgive. We should not permit or encourage negative and damaging things, but we also should not neglect our duty to love and forgive and be a light unto the world.

Here is one of my favorite stories about Jesus, as an example of what I mean (see Luke 7:36-50): When a sinful woman came to see Him while he was dining at the home of a Pharisee, Jesus did not say to her, "Too bad. No second chances for you." He permitted her to come and bathe His feet with her tears, and wipe them clean with her hair, and anoint them with oil.

The Savior of the world said of her, "Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little." And to her, Christ said, "Thy sins are forgiven. Thy faith hath saved thee; go in peace."

Let us please give people room (opportunity) to change. Let us give them all the second chances they need. Let us enable and encourage each other to become better people -- our best selves. And let us love others even if they don't.

Happy First Birthday: The (baby's) year in review and some seriously mushy stuff

One year ago today, my daughter was born. She arrived at 10:44am after 41 hours of natural labor, in the local hospital, with just her father and the medical staff present. Baby Girl came out with a tight nuchal cord so she was blue and breathless, but the excellent staff quickly got her breathing and she has been a perfect picture of health ever since. I thank God for this in my nightly prayers -- it is a tremendous blessing.

In the last year, Darling has learned how to sit up, roll over, and crawl. She can wave and clap. She expresses excitement by flapping her arms and sometimes knocks herself over. Darling doesn't say any true words just yet, but she loves to babble and makes lots of word-like noises; she definitely has sounds for certain things, like her "kuh" sound for the kitties. Don't be fooled, this girl understands a lot of words and actions. Darling  is very perceptive.

She is also quite curious. She loves to explore. Baby Girl is always on the move, checking out new objects and trying out new "toys". Some of her very favorite things include kitties (okay, any active animal gets a lot of attention), outside, cheese, mommy, and playing. She never sits still during story time and loves to make big messes. She does not like naps.

In the last year, she has sprouted seven teeth. Her weight has more than tripled, from 7 pounds 4 ounces at birth to about 22 pounds right now. Darling's length/height has increased at least a foot. (Her 12-month checkup isn't for a couple of weeks so I'm not exactly sure how tall she is at the moment!) In her first few months, she blasted through several clothing sizes; she was in her 9-month clothes at 5 months. Since then she very gradually moved into her 12-month-size clothes. She is beautiful in everything, but her mommy is most fond of her bare bottom!

She visited the ocean once. She graduated from her infant car seat to a convertible car seat (after much drama and hesitant decision-making by her mom). She has listened to her parents read through all four volumes of the "scripture stories for kids" and has just started over with the Old Testament. She has taken at least 300 baths, spent at least 730 hours nursing, and slept through half her days. Baby Girl goes through about a dozen diapers a day, which is a lot, but is less than the 20 daily changes she needed in her first months. If I had to guess, I'd say she's had at least 4,000 diaper changes in the last year. She's used up almost 7,000 baby wipes. Her clothes and diapers have necessitated about100 extra loads of laundry.

If I could use only three words to describe my daughter, I would call her a magnifloriously awesome princess.That's right -- she's so cool I have to make up a portmanteau just to accurately describe her. :o)

Now here's the part where it gets mushy and religious, because I am going to write some words directly to my daughter...


Dearest daughter,

 The truth is, there aren't words. I cannot possibly express the depth of my feelings -- love and joy and more -- for you. Whenever I try, I end up with something that's totally mushy and over the top, yet still deficient to what's in my heart. Quite simply, you are the very best thing in my life. Ever. I have always wanted your dad and I to be an eternal family, but now that you are here, the desire has become a necessity. I love you and never wish to be parted from you, not now or in all eternity. This is a gospel doctrine that I did not understand until there was you. I am grateful for you and to you, my sweet girl. Thank you.

I'm a person who expresses and defines things based on numbers, but none of the stats I quoted here (nor any of the ones I left out), can possibly describe you or your life thus far. You are much more than 22 pounds, 4,000 diaper changes, and the distant reality of college tuition. You are a daughter, granddaughter, great-granddaughter, cousin, niece, big sister (er, eventually), and so forth. You are a daughter of God, beloved of Him. Every day you bring joy to every one you encounter. You are a light in this world, bright and glorious and good. Never forget that you have the ability to change the world; you can be a neuro-physicist or a nuclear engineer or a novelist or the president of the universe, if you want :o) Just dream, my darling, and build toward your goals, and know that your family will always support your good decisions.

While you are dreaming and building, you will be have the opportunity to do the most important work in the world... nay, the universe: be a parent. Guiding souls -- teaching them and showing them how to be good through your example -- is the greatest thing you can ever do. Make no mistake: truly changing the world is a one-soul-at-a-time process. You have this gift. I hope you will choose to exercise your gift and make a better world. It will bring you joy.

This last year with you (366 days -- it was a leap year) have been wonderful. Not every minute, of course, but from the big-picture view, it could not have been better. You have completely changed my life. I don't really remember what life was like before you were here, and that is fine by me! You are worth every change, every challenge, every sacrifice. I would do it all again. Thank you for teaching me how to be a better person, baby girl. Because of you I am more patient and selfless. I am not perfect (sorry, kiddo) but I strive each day to be a great mother because that's what you deserve. Thank you for growing with me, forgiving me, and loving me.

I look forward to many long, wonderful years together. We have a big journey ahead of us. There will be more challenges and more sacrifices. You will throw tantrums and -- I'm so sorry -- I will, too. I cannot shield you from all of the hard things life will bring. Sometimes there will be pain, heartache, and sadness. People will say and do mean things. You will lose some of the people you love. In all of your trials, please take comfort in the words of our Heavenly Father, and "know thou, my [daughter] that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good."

I love you will all of my heart, sweet girl. I hope you had a wonderful first birthday today. I enjoyed spending every minute with you....

And I look forward to an eternity together.

A few updates, including baby sleep, Conference, and Easter

My apologies for dropping the ball last week. I started working on (and got halfway through) three different blog posts, but I just haven't found/made the time to finish any of them. Part of the problem is that Baby Girl isn't sleeping very well on her own. She goes down fairly easily, but then 30-60 minutes later she wakes up wailing. Sometimes she just needs a hug and she'll go right back to sleep, other times she won't sleep unless she's being held. Every night is a little bit different -- sometimes she gets up only briefly but does it two or three times (this is before we go to bed), other times she only wakes up once but she insists on being held. Any way it goes, it takes up a lot of time. And then she doesn't sleep very well at night, getting up at least two times (after we go to bed), sometimes as many as five times before morning. She doesn't seem to like her crib at all. She'll abide her pack-n-play (it's temporarily set up in our room), but mostly she prefers our bed.

I'm not upset about this. It's a phase and we're working through it. I've been trying to go to bed even earlier (like, in bed by 9pm) so that I can maybe get enough sleep. Some nights are better than others. We'll get through. The biggest downside is just that I can't really do anything in the evening. Darling goes to bed at 7pm, but it's usually about 7:30 before she's really asleep and I can transfer her to her crib, then I still have to get myself ready for bed. Since I'm aiming for a 9-9:30 bedtime, and the baby wakes up a time or two, we'll... you see how it doesn't really allow for much activity? I can get myself ready for bed, clean the dishes, maybe read for a few minutes or take a quick look at Facebook or write two paragraphs of a blog post, and that's all the time available.

Again, I'm not upset. And none of this is expressed as a complaint, just explanation. This is just life right now, at least until Baby Girl learns (or maybe miraculously falls into?) better sleeping habits.

With that in mind, I'm going to give myself the liberty to reduce my at-least-once-a-week post to a bulleted list, if necessary. That's not my favorite idea but hey, we don't always need my big, fleshy paragraphs anyway.   :o)

• • • 

I wrote those paragraphs yesterday (Wednesday) morning, with a plan to add a few bullet points and then post. Of course, as I was pondering what items from the last week and a half to mention, and how to list them briefly, Baby Girl woke up from her nap and my time was up. Now that I read through it again, I realize that I could have put it up without any additional bullets and it would have been a decent little post. Oh well. Now it's Thursday evening, Darling is asleep in the pack-n-play next to me (I'm sitting on the bed, and for the record, I tried to put her in her crib, but obviously she refused to sleep; I'm too tired and I have too much working-mommy guilt to battle with her). I have about ten minutes to add some bullets to this post before I need to go to bed...

... oh gosh, she's awake... stinker!

(4 minutes later)
I guess she just needed a little cuddle. But now I only have 6 minutes. Not enough time. Never enough time!

• Now that my folks are back from vacation, we've seen my mom every two or three days. She has offered and is planning to watch Darling twice a week while I have to work, so we will continue to see her a little bit extra. It's a huge blessing and we really enjoy having her around.

• General Conference was last weekend and it was wonderful. During the last couple of years I have worked to make Conference a bigger part of my life by listening to, reading, and pondering the talks. It has made Conference weekend a much more enjoyable experience. A couple of talks stuck out in my mind, including Elder Holland's remarks about removing envy from our lives ("envy is a mistake that just keeps on giving...(it) requires us to suffer all good fortune that befalls everyone we know!"). I also enjoyed Elder Uchtdorf's "two word sermon" about gossiping and being judgmental ("stop it!"), and not just because "Uchtdee" is  German and a pilot (although those two characteristics certainly do elevate him pretty high in my esteem, teehee ;o). Was anyone else surprised that we didn't hear more from Elder Bednar? He's one of my favorite speakers and I missed him dearly. I hope he's doing all right.

• Easter is this coming weekend!
- I have a very pink, flowery dress that I got the baby as a Christmas present which I might put her in for church. Then again, my mom got her a very lovely spring-flowers dress that would also be sweet and Easter-appropriate. 
- The neighbors invited us over for the little kid's neighborhood Easter egg hunt on Saturday. I'd really like to go and be social; hopefully Baby won't be napping (it's at 10:30, I think?) and hopefully Nate will want to walk over. Sometimes our shyness (we're both pretty shy) gets the better of us and we act like hermits, much to our detriment. Poor baby -- what awful parents!
- I am going to make Kougin Amann (koo-wen ah-men) which is a traditional Easter "bread" (I will have to go find the article that explains the history of the bread; it's somewhere in my recipe book). It's really more like a cake, since it's packed with butter and sugar and has a carmelized topping. Nate loves it and begs me to make it year-round but I only do it for Easter.

Darn.... I write too much! I have several other things to say but I am already 10 minutes overtime. So maybe next time. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe.

My Testimony

For those of you who are not LDS, a quick note of explanation: In the LDS church, we often talk about our "testimony." Basically, it's a way to talk about the faith we have in things; having a testimony of something means to know of its truthfulness. For instance, if you believe in Jesus Christ, then you could say you have a testimony of Him. (Make sense?)

One more note of explanation: Once a month at church, on the first Sunday, our full congregational meeting is called a testimony meeting. There's about 45 minutes of open mic time, when people from the congregation can get up and share their testimony (i.e., talk about their faith).

Some background, briefly: As I was sitting in the testimony meeting in February, I realized that the anniversay of my baptism into the LDS church was at the end of the month. It got me to thinking about the last seven years of my life, and next thing I knew, I was scribbling notes about what I've experienced and what I've learned. I spent the rest of the meeting writing... and the rest of the week polishing my thoughts. I didn't know why, but I felt a very strong urge to write it down, and to write it well.

All last month, I wondered if I should share this written testimony at the March testimony meeting. I didn't feel a particular urge to share it, so I thought maybe writing it down was just meant to be an exercise for myself. Besides, people don't usually prepare anything for a testimony meeting, so it might be weird of me to share.

As I sat in the testimony meeting this month (March) and partook of the sacrament (also known as communion in many other churches), I pulled out the sheet of paper I had so carefully worked on. The sudden, terrifying pounding of my heart told me, in no uncertain terms, that I was suppose to get up and share it. Groan. Is there anything more terrifying than public speaking? I didn't want to get up.

And so I sat, wrestling with myself, knowing that after we finished the sacrament (communion), I had to make a decision. Would I get up and follow the very clear prompting of the Holy Spirit, or would I deny the Lord?

The choice was obvious. A few nice words of introduction were forming in my head; I scrambled to write them down on another spare sheet of paper.

Then, with trembling hands, I slowly rose and walked to the pulpit. The testimoy I delivered was something like what follows, although I didn't read it word for word...

And now, my testimony:
Seven years. Wow. It's hard to believe sometimes that it has been seven years since I joined the church -- since a very dear friend took my hand and led me into the waters of baptism; seven years since an Elder in Israel placed his hands on my head and confirmed me a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Seven years. It seems so long ago - almost like a different lifetime. Yet it also seems very short.

Much has happened in seven years...

I finished high school. I went to and graduated from college. I got married and started a "career" and bought a house.

Three of my siblings graduated from college. Two got married. One had a baby. Two went back to school.

My neice moved to Ohio, and moved back. My dad's Parkinson's got much worse. My grandfather died.

In seven years I've lived in three different cities. I've moved six times. I've been in six different wards.I drive the same car I did seven years ago, but I've added about 50,000 miles to it.

Thankfully, my car is not the only thing that has endured the last seven years. My testimony has endured, and grown. I still love my Heavenly Father, and I love my Savior. I have come to understand, perhaps not fully but certainly very deeply, how valuable it is to be a member of the Lord's True Church. Knowing the Gospel -- the Good News of Christ -- is one of the most important gifts in life.

Sometimes it's hard to believe that I deserve the blessings that Heavenly Father gives me -- that the Almighty God; the Father; the Ruler over all Creation, could love little old me, one simple person, among His billions or perhaps trillions of children.

Yet He does love me. The Lord knows me by name, and despite all of my faults and my mistakes, He loves me. Every day He shows me that love through His manifold blessings. Every day of the last seven years He has shown me His love.

I am grateful for that knowledge. I am grateful for my testimony. I know that Christ lives; that He atoned for our sins; that the Church is true; and that the Book of Mormon is true scripture. That knowledge has been the most important thing in my life these last seven years, and I pray that it ever will be,
in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I dedicate this post to an old friend of mine. I figured, for once, I should be the one sending a nice message in honor of my bbday. To RNC: Thanks for everything.

Young Women in Excellence: Baby, Look at You Now!

Some background: Our church has a very active youth program. Nate works with the young men (YM) and I work with the young women (YW). Kids in the program are age 12 to 18.

Both the YM and YW have a program to help them develop spiritually. The programs are basically a series of goals; things like reading scriptures, doing acts of service, learning new stuff, etc.

The young men's program is called Duty to God; for the YW it's Personal Progress. Once a year, the young women have an awards ceremony as part of Personal Progress where they receive awards for completing their goals. The name of the awards ceremony is Young Women in Excellence. This year, our ceremony has the theme "Baby, Look at You Now!" We've decided to do a fancy ceremony -- dresses, glitter, dangerous shoes, cake, black table cloths... all the works! I'm pretty excited about it (and not just because it's an excuse to get fancy, although I totally love that part).

Somehow I managed to end up being in charge of the script, and by association, apparently I'm directing a lot of the activities. It wasn't my goal to run the thing; I just had some ideas I really wanted to use for the program. But, alas! Be careful! Sometimes you get more than you bargained for!

So far my responsibilities have included a lot of writing, hand wringing, hair pulling, a few nighs of tossing and turning...
Sharing my closet of gorgeous gowns, going to the dry cleaners, doing some sewing, borrowing stuff from my mom and grandma...
Printing reams of paper, buying folders, sending emails, setting schedules, making more phone calls...
And on and on!

Do I love it? Absolutely.
Will the young women love it? Oh man, I hope so.


There's more to come on this topic... probablly after it's all said and done.